Throughout my life. I have on occasion been hit hard with a realization. Previous to that moment that pulls my guts up through my throat, I have lived my life oblivious to the truth. Blissfully so.
This happened very recently. Something that I believed, proved not to be so after all. And it felt like a hard kick in the chest and knocked the wind right out of me. Again I found myself choking on that familiar lump in my throat as I have so many times before.
Now, one would think that as I got older I'd be less prone to this sort of thing happening, with age comes wisdom, or so they say, but apparently, that's not the case with me.
I have once again and likely always will put myself in a position where I set myself up believing, likely because I just want to so badly, something that isn’t so. Then finally seeing the facts and the truth of the matter and once again finding myself in tears because sometimes learning the truth hurts so damned much, and angry at myself for one again, being so stupid.