My father in law is dying.
It is not news that is new to us, but very recently he took a turn for the worse after a couple months of appearing healthy.
Saturday was his birthday.
Tuesday of this week I was up to see him and as I hugged him hard when I went to leave he said
"Careful, we may just get stuck this way" and I said
"Now that wouldn’t be so bad would it?
I have not had the opportunity to get back in to see him, he took very ill on Wednesday with flu like symptoms. He has not been well since and has grown weak.
He is back on Oxygen.
We were supposed to bring him home today for family day and a small BD celebration. Is that what you still call it when the guest of honor is dying. Either way… he won’t be coming home today. He doesn't have the strength.
Roger and his brother went to see him last night and told us he is having difficulty talking, his speech is slurred. He doesn’t know where he is, or why. He thinks he is in Toronto. He is very weak and unable to get out of bed. This is a big change from when I saw him on Tuesday at which time he flew out of bed and into the washroom with seemingly little effort.
He knew he was dying.
Last week he said he was scared.
So, is this confusion he is experiencing a blessing?
I hope so. I do not want him to be scared any more. And I hope no one will tell him the truth about why he is there.
I don't think it will be long.
I really hope it will be as effortless and easy as just feeling real tired. I hope he gets to experience that wonderful feeling one gets when they are so exhausted the very act of lying down is heaven. I love that feeling when you are aware of yourself falling asleep. Like a big warm blanket is being slowly drawn up over your body. I hope that when his time comes that is how he feels. Extremely relaxed….. and warm…. and safe as he drifts off. Unaware of what is really happening.
And not afraid.