The last couple years have seen me sleepless. More nights than I care to count I have tossed and turned growing increasingly more frustrated as sleep eludes me. The pharmacist gave me melatonin, the active ingredient in turkey that makes most people drowsy after Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.
It works... sometimes.... but often enough I will find myself popping a Benadryl in desperation. It works quite nicely but as with any drug not prescribed it should not become a habit.
In January I joined the gym. For two reasons. I was a member of the gym for many years, it is where I met my significant other. Roger. I recall that I slept well those years without any sort of medicinal aid. I needed to lose weight and tone up so I thought "why not?"
Well that didn't work so well for the sleep part but I was toning up and feeling stronger.
Well, now, I am in a walking cast for reasons I won't go into now because I am quickly steering in a direction other than the reason I sat down to write. I have been up since before 5 this morning. Just like yesterday morning. Yesterday I drove into work for 7 ( heading off track again)
I was sitting in bed watching a recorded episode of 'House'. I had just gotten in from the final screening this season with Reel Alternatives. It was after 10. The cats trotted in and jumped on the bed as they often do when Roger is not around. He doesn't like them in the bedroom. And they know it. When they hear his foot land on the top stair to come down to bed they are out like a shot. Silent and crouching low to the ground.
Laying there last night, watching 'House' I looked at them sleeping curled up at the bottom of the bed and felt a calmness. And I remembered always having my cats on my bed at night while I slept when I was younger. So I decided that while Roger is away. (struggling in Lake Erie to get a boat back home, weather and fuel lines conspire against them) I'd let the cats sleep with me.
I turned off the light sighing to myself and thinking "hmmmm... this is nice" Less than an hour later I was woken by the movement of one of them crossing over my feet. Sometime later one of them was laying on my feet. the foot in the cast sensitive to the weight. At one point Bandit thought it would be a good idea to climb onto my chest with her tiny little feet poking at me like broom handles. It hurt. I lay there grimacing, anticipating shed settle down and curl up there and sleep. Nope, she walked round and round till I growled at her and she got the hint and moved off the bed. Later I was woken again to the rustle of one of them on my night table. Smokey was pushing at things, and in short order I heard plastic clunk of the 'TV remote hitting the ground followed by the similar sound of the PVR remote as well. More rustling and I knew he intended to create a spot big enough to lay down in. He is a big cat and I had a lot of things on that table. I whined his name and leaned over and gave him a gentle shove of the table. These events were mixed with several nose to nose pokes and vigorous play.
What was I thinking?? So much for that idea. Then I remembered. I started confining these two from my room when I lived in my apartment. For the exact reasons I stated above. How soon we forget.
It's now after 6 and I will be on the road to work within the hour. Time to dress and change to my day time walking cast. Roger won't be home tonight as originally planned. The bedroom door will be closed tonight and the cats can sleep anywhere but in here. Will try warm milk tonight.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Makes me wonder.....
Sometimes, things happen in a persons life that makes them stop dead and think. "WTF?"
I know I am not the only person out there who encounters this kind of thing. But here I am, blindsided and reeling. If my life was a cartoon I would be wobbling, my eyes bulging and rolling around, and I'd have stars flashing and birds tweeting in circles above my head.
In a cartoon its funny,
in real life.. not so much.
It brings to mind a song. Written by Albert King "Born Under a Bad Sign"
Great song.. always loved it.
I can relate. Now, I know my life is not as bad as so many other out there.
Far from it. But Jeez... does it have to have these constant trials and tribulations, problems and issues, changes and pain?
I am grateful for what I have. I really am, But I could use a break from the crap.
Maybe I should have been a Blues Musician. It would be a great creative outlet for this stuff thats socially more acceptable instead of whining about it. When I complain about the trials in my life people avoid me. BUT if I wrote songs and sang about them and made money off it, I'd never lack for friends.
Time for a career change maybe.
I know I am not the only person out there who encounters this kind of thing. But here I am, blindsided and reeling. If my life was a cartoon I would be wobbling, my eyes bulging and rolling around, and I'd have stars flashing and birds tweeting in circles above my head.
In a cartoon its funny,
in real life.. not so much.
It brings to mind a song. Written by Albert King "Born Under a Bad Sign"
Great song.. always loved it.
I can relate. Now, I know my life is not as bad as so many other out there.
Far from it. But Jeez... does it have to have these constant trials and tribulations, problems and issues, changes and pain?
I am grateful for what I have. I really am, But I could use a break from the crap.
Maybe I should have been a Blues Musician. It would be a great creative outlet for this stuff thats socially more acceptable instead of whining about it. When I complain about the trials in my life people avoid me. BUT if I wrote songs and sang about them and made money off it, I'd never lack for friends.
Time for a career change maybe.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Decision
She sat queitly thinking over what the doctor had said to her earlier that day.
That word that everyone hopes they never have to hear fell heavily on her ears and sunk into her gut. As he spoke to her she stared at his mouth, watching how his lips formed the words. He had been speaking for a long time.. saying words that she was no longer hearing because a buzz had settled in her head. She turned her gaze to the window and watched the traffic passing on the road below. A tiny blue car made its way to the corner and stopped at the light. A fog closed in and she could faintly hear a voice.
"Chris.. Chris are you with me?"
She felt a touch on her arm that jolted her back from the cloud she had retreated into. She blinked and looked back to her doctor.
"I need you to pay attention to me." he stated flatly. "This is important. Take these brochures home and go over them with Ted then decide what it is you want to do. There are options"
She nodded, not looking up.
"Do you want me to give you some time to absorb this before you leave" he asked.
Looking at her, he decided for her "Listen. Take your time. Compose yourself. You can leave when you are ready" He gave her a long look then got up and said "I will call you tomorrow to see if you have any questions" He closed the door quietly behind him.
"Thank you" she mumbled after he'd left. She sat and watched the tears fall onto the brochures that she was folding over in her hands.
She did not remember the drive home or how long she had been sitting in the bedroom. She had read the brochures and tucked them safely away in her purse. She just did not know what she was going to say to Ted, or her children. After years of being able to speak her mind and discuss her problems she now found herself without words. She had no idea what or how to tell them. She looked out the window and noted that the sun had gone down. She could hear her son moving around in his room, talking online with one of his friends while he played his game. At times she had found this irritating as he could get quite loud but this time she listened intently, enjoying the sound of his voice and remembering him as a baby. Remembering how he smelled as an infant, and reliving the feeling of him cradled in her arms. She closed her eyes and held the memory hard.
"What do I tell him?" she asked herself.
She gathered herself and left the room and wandered to the kitchen where Ted had started dinner. He looked up from the counter where he was preparing carrots to roast when she entered the room.
"Hey Hun" he said smiling and moved in to give her a hug. She took his hug and held on tight, tears welling up in her eyes. After a couple minutes he pushed her away only far enough to look at her face. She could see the concern and she swallowed hard and blurted out.
"Damn menopause has me feeling moody. I don't know if I can handle possibly 15 more years of this" she moaned, hoping he'd fall for her deflection.
He wiped the tears from her cheeks and held her some more. Only when she let go did he move to continue with the carrots.
"I love you" he said and gave her a kiss on the forhead as she backed away. She almost choked on the lump in her throat when she returned an "I love you back"
She watched him go back to the meal prep and was so grateful for him. He has always been so patient with her. So loving and considerate. Loving her even when she dished out her worst to him when life was being hard on her. He took it with understanding. Knowing it was not him that the anger was about.
"Not this time" she said to herself. "Not this time" She would not take this out on him. He had always deserved better from her.
This was one battle she'd fight on her own. One battle no one needed to know about except her. At least not yet. Her sons, one grown and moved out, her daughter and Ted need not be involved. If, and only if the day came where she was told that there was no hope.... Then, and only then would she tell them.
She was determined that day would not come.
She went to the drawer and picked out the cutlery and proceeded to set the table. She glanced at Ted on her way past and he gave her a warm grin. She smiled back. She called to her son who came in and got the plates to place around the table. After the table was set she thanked him and he gave her one of his best bear hugs.
"I love you" she told her son.
And as they had since he began to talk he responded with a smile "I love you too"
"I love you three" she countered back.
I love you forever" he replied and gave her another hug. She watched him as he returned to his room. "Dinner in 15" she called out.
"Ok" he answered and the door clicked shut behind him.
Her determination had carried her through a great deal.
It would this time too, she thought.
That word that everyone hopes they never have to hear fell heavily on her ears and sunk into her gut. As he spoke to her she stared at his mouth, watching how his lips formed the words. He had been speaking for a long time.. saying words that she was no longer hearing because a buzz had settled in her head. She turned her gaze to the window and watched the traffic passing on the road below. A tiny blue car made its way to the corner and stopped at the light. A fog closed in and she could faintly hear a voice.
"Chris.. Chris are you with me?"
She felt a touch on her arm that jolted her back from the cloud she had retreated into. She blinked and looked back to her doctor.
"I need you to pay attention to me." he stated flatly. "This is important. Take these brochures home and go over them with Ted then decide what it is you want to do. There are options"
She nodded, not looking up.
"Do you want me to give you some time to absorb this before you leave" he asked.
Looking at her, he decided for her "Listen. Take your time. Compose yourself. You can leave when you are ready" He gave her a long look then got up and said "I will call you tomorrow to see if you have any questions" He closed the door quietly behind him.
"Thank you" she mumbled after he'd left. She sat and watched the tears fall onto the brochures that she was folding over in her hands.
She did not remember the drive home or how long she had been sitting in the bedroom. She had read the brochures and tucked them safely away in her purse. She just did not know what she was going to say to Ted, or her children. After years of being able to speak her mind and discuss her problems she now found herself without words. She had no idea what or how to tell them. She looked out the window and noted that the sun had gone down. She could hear her son moving around in his room, talking online with one of his friends while he played his game. At times she had found this irritating as he could get quite loud but this time she listened intently, enjoying the sound of his voice and remembering him as a baby. Remembering how he smelled as an infant, and reliving the feeling of him cradled in her arms. She closed her eyes and held the memory hard.
"What do I tell him?" she asked herself.
She gathered herself and left the room and wandered to the kitchen where Ted had started dinner. He looked up from the counter where he was preparing carrots to roast when she entered the room.
"Hey Hun" he said smiling and moved in to give her a hug. She took his hug and held on tight, tears welling up in her eyes. After a couple minutes he pushed her away only far enough to look at her face. She could see the concern and she swallowed hard and blurted out.
"Damn menopause has me feeling moody. I don't know if I can handle possibly 15 more years of this" she moaned, hoping he'd fall for her deflection.
He wiped the tears from her cheeks and held her some more. Only when she let go did he move to continue with the carrots.
"I love you" he said and gave her a kiss on the forhead as she backed away. She almost choked on the lump in her throat when she returned an "I love you back"
She watched him go back to the meal prep and was so grateful for him. He has always been so patient with her. So loving and considerate. Loving her even when she dished out her worst to him when life was being hard on her. He took it with understanding. Knowing it was not him that the anger was about.
"Not this time" she said to herself. "Not this time" She would not take this out on him. He had always deserved better from her.
This was one battle she'd fight on her own. One battle no one needed to know about except her. At least not yet. Her sons, one grown and moved out, her daughter and Ted need not be involved. If, and only if the day came where she was told that there was no hope.... Then, and only then would she tell them.
She was determined that day would not come.
She went to the drawer and picked out the cutlery and proceeded to set the table. She glanced at Ted on her way past and he gave her a warm grin. She smiled back. She called to her son who came in and got the plates to place around the table. After the table was set she thanked him and he gave her one of his best bear hugs.
"I love you" she told her son.
And as they had since he began to talk he responded with a smile "I love you too"
"I love you three" she countered back.
I love you forever" he replied and gave her another hug. She watched him as he returned to his room. "Dinner in 15" she called out.
"Ok" he answered and the door clicked shut behind him.
Her determination had carried her through a great deal.
It would this time too, she thought.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Winter
Winter is coming. And with it comes the awful dread I feel as the cold clamps down, the snow falls and the inevitable ice develops on the roads.
About mid September I begin to stress about it. I get my gut in such a knot that by the time the snow flies I am already sick with worry over the drives I will have to make around town, to work in Bracebridge or any other place I need to go.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the scenery that comes with the colder temperatures, and every day as I drive past a lake on the left hand side of the highway at 7:20 in the morning, I am left brethless at the beauty of the mist that hangs over the fields that sparkle with the morning frost. The sun burning through the mist and lighting everything to a brilliant gold. The lake bright and golden as well. Words cannot begin to describe how breathtaking this scene is. I regret every morning that I do not have my camera to capture this and that I do not HAVE the time to capture this even if I had my camera. So every week I buy a lottery ticket and every week I wonder if this will be the week I can quit my job and work at whatever pace I decide. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I do for work. What I don't love is the fact it is a 40 minute drive if I don't speed. then back to my "Winter anxiety" I hate... absolutely HATE the morning winter routine. Get up at 4:30 to see if it snowed. If not try to fall back to sleep for a bit.. If it has, get dressed and go outside and shovel my crazy, sloping, scares me half to death in the winter, driveway.. then sand it liberally and after showering and a fresh change of clothes, cautiously drive down into the busy traffic rushing past praying I don't hit a slippery spot that sends me sliding down onto the road with no control only to hope I can avoid being hit.
Then, once safely at work seeing the snow fall creates another round of the sick to my stomach "crap will I be able to get UP the driveway" feeling. It makes winter a miserable time and if I manage to get through this one without dropping dead from a heart attack as a result of the stress I feel for that reason alone.. it will be a miracle.
'Nuff said.
About mid September I begin to stress about it. I get my gut in such a knot that by the time the snow flies I am already sick with worry over the drives I will have to make around town, to work in Bracebridge or any other place I need to go.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the scenery that comes with the colder temperatures, and every day as I drive past a lake on the left hand side of the highway at 7:20 in the morning, I am left brethless at the beauty of the mist that hangs over the fields that sparkle with the morning frost. The sun burning through the mist and lighting everything to a brilliant gold. The lake bright and golden as well. Words cannot begin to describe how breathtaking this scene is. I regret every morning that I do not have my camera to capture this and that I do not HAVE the time to capture this even if I had my camera. So every week I buy a lottery ticket and every week I wonder if this will be the week I can quit my job and work at whatever pace I decide. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I do for work. What I don't love is the fact it is a 40 minute drive if I don't speed. then back to my "Winter anxiety" I hate... absolutely HATE the morning winter routine. Get up at 4:30 to see if it snowed. If not try to fall back to sleep for a bit.. If it has, get dressed and go outside and shovel my crazy, sloping, scares me half to death in the winter, driveway.. then sand it liberally and after showering and a fresh change of clothes, cautiously drive down into the busy traffic rushing past praying I don't hit a slippery spot that sends me sliding down onto the road with no control only to hope I can avoid being hit.
Then, once safely at work seeing the snow fall creates another round of the sick to my stomach "crap will I be able to get UP the driveway" feeling. It makes winter a miserable time and if I manage to get through this one without dropping dead from a heart attack as a result of the stress I feel for that reason alone.. it will be a miracle.
'Nuff said.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
#frudayflash - Little Miss Muffet
Little miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And….
Said…
“Isn’t it a lovely day?”
“Pardon me” Inquired Miss Muffet. A look of surprise and bewilderment on her face at the very idea of a spider speaking to her.
“Well” said the spider, “Now that I have your attention I would like to suggest that maybe you consider getting to know me a bit before you go flying off like you usually do. I suspect you will find that we have a great deal in common.”
“Reaaallly.” Muffet drawled.
“Yes” he answered. “For instance, I quite like sitting in the sun and enjoying my afternoon repast, such as yourself with your curds and whey there.”
Muffet looked down into her bowl and back at the spider who had just consumed a fly while she pondered his words.
“Yes, and walks, I love walking, scurrying back and forth across my web like I do gives me great pleasure. I have observed you walking by on a regular basis”
Muffet nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, I do love a leisurely stroll now and then.”
“And you crochet” the spider stated motioning with his front right leg to the delicate incomplete doily beside Muffet. “And I weave my web with the same care and pride as you do your crocheting”
“So you see, we really are very much alike.”
Muffet gazed at the spider, her wide blue eyes almost identical in colour to her perfectly pressed pinafore. Her blond hair shone brightly in the afternoon sun and complemented her beautiful rosebud lips.
“I don’t think so” Muffet answered and smacked a rock down on the unsuspecting spider. You’re ugly”.
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And….
Said…
“Isn’t it a lovely day?”
“Pardon me” Inquired Miss Muffet. A look of surprise and bewilderment on her face at the very idea of a spider speaking to her.
“Well” said the spider, “Now that I have your attention I would like to suggest that maybe you consider getting to know me a bit before you go flying off like you usually do. I suspect you will find that we have a great deal in common.”
“Reaaallly.” Muffet drawled.
“Yes” he answered. “For instance, I quite like sitting in the sun and enjoying my afternoon repast, such as yourself with your curds and whey there.”
Muffet looked down into her bowl and back at the spider who had just consumed a fly while she pondered his words.
“Yes, and walks, I love walking, scurrying back and forth across my web like I do gives me great pleasure. I have observed you walking by on a regular basis”
Muffet nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, I do love a leisurely stroll now and then.”
“And you crochet” the spider stated motioning with his front right leg to the delicate incomplete doily beside Muffet. “And I weave my web with the same care and pride as you do your crocheting”
“So you see, we really are very much alike.”
Muffet gazed at the spider, her wide blue eyes almost identical in colour to her perfectly pressed pinafore. Her blond hair shone brightly in the afternoon sun and complemented her beautiful rosebud lips.
“I don’t think so” Muffet answered and smacked a rock down on the unsuspecting spider. You’re ugly”.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
#fridayflash - Desperate Times....
"Last one" Christina mumbled out loud as she dropped the red spattered white pearl into the sink. She leaned in to admire her handiwork in the mirror.
She smiled a toothless grin and ran her tongue over the now empty sockets where her teeth used to be. So soft and yielding was the flesh under her tongue. Like raw chicken that had been pounded with a mallet but redder and oh so bloody.
She looked down into the sink and started to count. 29, 30, 31.
31, no 32 pearly whites. Some of them almost lost in the splatters of blood that coated the bottom and sides of the sink. She picked them up one by one and counted one more time. Then tossed them in the trash. She turned to the sink again and picked up the pliers and ran hot water over them to clean them up. With the water still running she used her hand to swirl it up the sides and then down the drain.
As she wiped the pliers and the sink dry she gazed in the mirror at her now toothless face and was startled by the scream in her head.
Christina sat bolt upright in bed. Sweat pouring down her face, eyes wide, heart racing as she remembered seeing her own toothless reflection in her dream.
Damn this tooth hurt. Six days. Six days of agony that no amount of pain killer and types of antibiotics was able to relieve. Six days of feeling she could not last one more moment without losing her sanity. She climbed out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom and popped 2 more T3’s into her mouth along with 2 Gravol to keep herself from throwing up once the T3’s hit her stomach. Crawling back into bed she started to cry. She rolled herself up into a ball, her knees drawn tightly against her chest and rocked. Her mind drifted to her dream again and the pliers in the tool chest in the closet.
She smiled a toothless grin and ran her tongue over the now empty sockets where her teeth used to be. So soft and yielding was the flesh under her tongue. Like raw chicken that had been pounded with a mallet but redder and oh so bloody.
She looked down into the sink and started to count. 29, 30, 31.
31, no 32 pearly whites. Some of them almost lost in the splatters of blood that coated the bottom and sides of the sink. She picked them up one by one and counted one more time. Then tossed them in the trash. She turned to the sink again and picked up the pliers and ran hot water over them to clean them up. With the water still running she used her hand to swirl it up the sides and then down the drain.
As she wiped the pliers and the sink dry she gazed in the mirror at her now toothless face and was startled by the scream in her head.
Christina sat bolt upright in bed. Sweat pouring down her face, eyes wide, heart racing as she remembered seeing her own toothless reflection in her dream.
Damn this tooth hurt. Six days. Six days of agony that no amount of pain killer and types of antibiotics was able to relieve. Six days of feeling she could not last one more moment without losing her sanity. She climbed out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom and popped 2 more T3’s into her mouth along with 2 Gravol to keep herself from throwing up once the T3’s hit her stomach. Crawling back into bed she started to cry. She rolled herself up into a ball, her knees drawn tightly against her chest and rocked. Her mind drifted to her dream again and the pliers in the tool chest in the closet.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
#fridayflash- A Special Anniversary
Lavina and Samuel were celebrating 40 years of wedded bliss.
More accurately Samuel was celebrating 40 years of wedded bliss. The last 10 had not been so blissful for Lavina.
10 years ago.. to this date, Samuel had brought home a puppy.
“Happy Anniversary Sweetheart" and handed her the little ball of fur that he had already named muffin. Lavina thought about that day as she stood over the stove serving Samuel his third helping of Stew. He was loving this stew. Just lapping it up bowl after bowl with a crusty roll and lots of butter. Streaks of the melting butter running down his face mixed with the thick gravy from the stew and coagulating on his chin. He spit out bits of the roll as he announced again. “Best damn stew you have ever made Vina, you really outdid yourself this time. “
He slurped some of the beer from the chilled glass and wiped his face with the back of his arm. Smearing bits of butter, gravy and beer foam up the sleeve of his freshly washed and ironed shirt. Lavina had worked most of the day preparing the house and his clothes and the meal. Specially for him.
“You not having any” he asked.
“No” she responded quickly and grinned at him. “I think the heat has put me off food today. “I made this specially for you anyway dear. You enjoy it.”
He looked past her to the rhubarb pie cooling on the counter then said. “You are too good to me Vina. You made my favorite pie and everything”.
40 years was a long time to be with someone these days and until that damn dog had been brought into the house they were very happy. Lavina and Samuel. At the young ages of 18 and 19 they promised till death do them part and Lavina meant it and would stick to her vows through good times and bad. 10 years ago was the start of the bad times. Lavina hated dogs. She couldn’t stand the site of them or the sounds they made and smell of them just about drove her round the bend. The little ones were the worst. Samuel knew this but he brought it home anyway under the guise of an Anniversary gift and presented it to her like it was the Hope Diamond. She made the appropriate sounds and thanked him. Put the puppy down on the floor and rushed to the sink to wash her hands .
Since that day the damn dog always came first in Samuel's life. He bought it beds. One for every room in the house. Mind you, the dog never slept in any of them. It was constantly in Samuel's lap, or in his arms as he carried it about. It sat in the front seat of the car while Lavina had been moved to the back. Not that she went out in the car anymore. Sitting behind that animal with its fur blowing around in the breeze flying into her face caused her to see red. And outfits. The dog had more outfits than she had. He even bought it little booties for the cold weather.
The dog didn’t think to highly of Lavina either. It would often growl at her as she walked by and more than once it had lunged at her and taken a nip at her leg and Samuel was always quick to defend the dog. Justifying its action. Seeming to have no concern for Lavina and the blood running down her calf.
Samuel never fed the dog table scraps though. The vet had said it was a strict no no and Samuel wanted his love to be healthy and happy.
Lavina was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of Samuel pushing his bowl away as he shoved the last bit of crusty roll drenched in gravy into his mouth.
He looked around the room and got up from his chair. He wandered out into the living room and she could hear him call. “Muffin… ….Muffin.. .…..here muffin. Where’s daddy’s baby hiding? Muffin??? Where are you girl??”
She heard the sound of his voice calling and fading as he wandered the house… room to room, calling his precious dog. There was silence for a few minutes and she imagined him confused and wondering about his dog.
She heard him behind her as he came back into the kitchen.
“Have you seen Muffin?” Samuel asked in a voice devoid of the enthusiasm it held when he ate the meal she had prepared just for him.
She turned, a look of concern on her face when she answered. “No dear. I haven’t, have you checked out in the yard? Maybe she ran out when you came in”
“I will go look” he answered and walked out to the back porch.
Lavina turned back to the sink and flushed the remaining stew down the waste disposal. A large grin pasted across her face.
More accurately Samuel was celebrating 40 years of wedded bliss. The last 10 had not been so blissful for Lavina.
10 years ago.. to this date, Samuel had brought home a puppy.
“Happy Anniversary Sweetheart" and handed her the little ball of fur that he had already named muffin. Lavina thought about that day as she stood over the stove serving Samuel his third helping of Stew. He was loving this stew. Just lapping it up bowl after bowl with a crusty roll and lots of butter. Streaks of the melting butter running down his face mixed with the thick gravy from the stew and coagulating on his chin. He spit out bits of the roll as he announced again. “Best damn stew you have ever made Vina, you really outdid yourself this time. “
He slurped some of the beer from the chilled glass and wiped his face with the back of his arm. Smearing bits of butter, gravy and beer foam up the sleeve of his freshly washed and ironed shirt. Lavina had worked most of the day preparing the house and his clothes and the meal. Specially for him.
“You not having any” he asked.
“No” she responded quickly and grinned at him. “I think the heat has put me off food today. “I made this specially for you anyway dear. You enjoy it.”
He looked past her to the rhubarb pie cooling on the counter then said. “You are too good to me Vina. You made my favorite pie and everything”.
40 years was a long time to be with someone these days and until that damn dog had been brought into the house they were very happy. Lavina and Samuel. At the young ages of 18 and 19 they promised till death do them part and Lavina meant it and would stick to her vows through good times and bad. 10 years ago was the start of the bad times. Lavina hated dogs. She couldn’t stand the site of them or the sounds they made and smell of them just about drove her round the bend. The little ones were the worst. Samuel knew this but he brought it home anyway under the guise of an Anniversary gift and presented it to her like it was the Hope Diamond. She made the appropriate sounds and thanked him. Put the puppy down on the floor and rushed to the sink to wash her hands .
Since that day the damn dog always came first in Samuel's life. He bought it beds. One for every room in the house. Mind you, the dog never slept in any of them. It was constantly in Samuel's lap, or in his arms as he carried it about. It sat in the front seat of the car while Lavina had been moved to the back. Not that she went out in the car anymore. Sitting behind that animal with its fur blowing around in the breeze flying into her face caused her to see red. And outfits. The dog had more outfits than she had. He even bought it little booties for the cold weather.
The dog didn’t think to highly of Lavina either. It would often growl at her as she walked by and more than once it had lunged at her and taken a nip at her leg and Samuel was always quick to defend the dog. Justifying its action. Seeming to have no concern for Lavina and the blood running down her calf.
Samuel never fed the dog table scraps though. The vet had said it was a strict no no and Samuel wanted his love to be healthy and happy.
Lavina was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of Samuel pushing his bowl away as he shoved the last bit of crusty roll drenched in gravy into his mouth.
He looked around the room and got up from his chair. He wandered out into the living room and she could hear him call. “Muffin… ….Muffin.. .…..here muffin. Where’s daddy’s baby hiding? Muffin??? Where are you girl??”
She heard the sound of his voice calling and fading as he wandered the house… room to room, calling his precious dog. There was silence for a few minutes and she imagined him confused and wondering about his dog.
She heard him behind her as he came back into the kitchen.
“Have you seen Muffin?” Samuel asked in a voice devoid of the enthusiasm it held when he ate the meal she had prepared just for him.
She turned, a look of concern on her face when she answered. “No dear. I haven’t, have you checked out in the yard? Maybe she ran out when you came in”
“I will go look” he answered and walked out to the back porch.
Lavina turned back to the sink and flushed the remaining stew down the waste disposal. A large grin pasted across her face.
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